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Freshmen

No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection.
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat.

Just found out that we actually have reading due next week and it’s not what I was preparing yesterday (in between procrastinating with setting up a streaming mp3 server at home) — not much, but still a shock to realize how fast it’s going to hit us, despite all the mental preparation.

My talk with Antonio Fatas about setting up podcasts of lectures went surprisingly well; despite the expected management talk of investment and lack of interest, etc. etc. he was receptive to the idea of “let me do it on my own and see whether it works.” Seems like a decent enough guy.

Today was one of the first days without a hangover, despite going to bed late after some reading (and finishing the rest of the 12-year-old scotch.)

Event of note: introduction to MBA presentation, followed by the most incredibly arrogant bunch of claptrap (what is it with Londoners?) about student government. I am running for President. Not just that, but I think it’s time to establish the INSEAD Jacobin Society (aka “La Montagne”, aka “Les Sans-Culottes”, aka “Off With Their Heads”) to counter the spam flood from clubs advertising for members, yet making it very clear that they only take the best, by invitation/qualification/whatnot. Free advice, guys: real exclusivity and unsolicited emails are mutually exclusive.

Finally met most of the people I’d been interacting with on line, and for some reason they all seem to know me. The Belgian mafia, the Lebanese mafia, the Peruvian mafia and miscellaneous mini-mafias are at least very un-mafia-like. Overall, at the risk of sounding contrived, I have spent a week being introduced to the most intelligent, amazing group of individuals I could ever have imagined. This could be a good thing.

Posted 29 August 2007 † john § Uncategorized ‡ Comments (0) °

End of O-Week

No plan ever survives first contact with the enemy.

Just finished sorting through my reading for the first week — that packet could stop a bullet. Still tired and mildly hung over from the party at a chateau near Melun yesterday night (until 4 a.m.), amazing how many beautiful women attend this place. Danced and got pretty drunk on Bain’s budget (too bad the bar was pretty amateurish).

Lea, John, Wai, Isabelle

Lea, John, Wai, Isabelle

Feeling completely drained after the orientation week; my team finished a first project that left us feeling self-satisfied (alas we didn’t get to present it.) Did get a great reaction from the prof about “you and your fucking dog blankets” in class though. “Sorry about the fucking.”

Our group, together with another, went into the Fonty jungle for a team-building ropes course that left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth. I couldn’t shake the impression that it was almost geared towards manipulating us into doing things “for the sake of the team.” Frankly, tired and sweaty and hungry at the end I couldn’t help coming to the conclusion that, not to put too fine a point on it, fuck the team if there’s an easier way to get a task done. Suffering for the sake of suffering? No thanks. That, of course, was countered by the idea that “you’ll look bad if you go lone wolf and it goes bad.” Well hey, maybe they should teach management accountability alongside management accounting; if you take a decision and it goes tits up, stand by it.

Stumbling Around

Stumbling Around

Some initial tensions with housemates, god knows why. Without going into details, I think everyone’s a bit stressed and on edge. Maybe it’s just a result of living with younger people that I come across a bit curmudgeonly. Karin’s coming next weekend though, thank god. I hope she’s less stressed than I am.

Back to the coal mines..

Posted 02 September 2007 † john § Uncategorized ‡ Comments (0) °

Class Act

Field experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

Only the third day of classes, and the reading actually seems like it might be manageable. Mind, this is without time for clubs, food or other frippery. A thoroughly anal retentive organizational scheme might even help me get through this.

My group (nickname “Fred the Group”) are a fun bunch, Hugo, Or, Salman and Guillermo. With these guys, it looks like I drew a good lot. They seem like a fun crew, or at least tolerant of the garbage some of us (Or, Hugo, me) come up with.

Nearly stabbed some of my housemates with a brick last night. With about 3 hours of sleep, it’s not real easy to stay relaxed about a mountain worth of reading, especially in subjects that you don’t understand (statistics? Accounting? Give me a fucking break. That’s what you hire accountants for, if you’re serious about this whole CEO thing.) They wouldn’t shut up, it’s like living with kids. I should be a bit more tolerant though, I’m just being old and stressed and grumpy.

Lonely birthday tonight. Cheers.

Or so I thought. Until my housemates broke out the surprise champagne and cake. Did I mention I love them?

Posted 05 September 2007 † john § Uncategorized ‡ Comments (0) °

Second Week

To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.

Carrying on with the tradition (albeit stripped down — it’s nicer to prepare food for 20 people than to have it catered for 30, I suppose) of Monday night dinners at le Vivier is a recipe for hangovers, pure and simple. Last night was a blast, thanks to Stefan and Julia’s brilliant effort (filet mignon de porc for 20 plus a nice salad and dessert can’t be trivial.) The atmosphere was stellar and homey, a perfect breeding ground for a civilized little piss-up. Good thing I’d gotten my reading done ahead of time (why does everyone who sees me working ahead give me a hard time about this?) Too bad Karin couldn’t stay for it, although I can see how it might be difficult mingling with a reasonably cohesive group of people who live and work together. We’ll just have to spend more weekends out of town together, gorging on foie gras.

Best line of the day:  “Ryan, give me a compelling reason not to go to the finance alumni thing.”  Ryan: [pause] “There won’t be any finance jobs when we graduate.”  Fantastic, although it’d be more fun to watch London city boys get massacred if it didn’t affect the rest of us so much. People are kind of fatalistic and jittery about what’ll happen by the time we’re out of here. Screw it, I’ve had two recessions already, what’s the worst that could possibly happen? Dun dun DUNNN…

Classes are running fairly well, although I’m getting a strange dichotomous vibe — either it’s simple stuff (as conveyed in the lectures) or impossibly difficult (viz. the homework.) Or vice versa. We’ll see soon enough, my main hope is that everyone else is as lost as I am, although I feel like I’m keeping a reasonably good grip on things. I’ve heard that one before, though, right before my grades at Cal went pear-shaped…

Posted 11 September 2007 † john § Uncategorized ‡ Comments (0) °

Doubt

Never forget that your weapon is supplied by the cheapest bidder.

What the hell am I doing here? It’s only the middle of week two and I’m feeling completely lost already. Finance, got all the homework wrong. Stat, no clue what I’m doing and what’s going on despite keeping up with the work reasonably well (except for the problem sets and some basic understanding of the subject matter, but I suppose that’s detail.)

I don’t comprehend in the least how people can breeze through this crap, seemingly without any effort or sleep or cares; I’m really starting to wonder whether I belong in this place. Being surrounded by bright individuals who give the impression of just catching on right off the bat isn’t exactly conducive to morale. I don’t even know how I’m expected to hold up if I don’t savvy the basics at this point. It’s like I’m handling crisis after crisis, dealing with logistical crap for my house, Karin and her move, more work than I’ve ever been exposed to, and no time for anything personal — I feel completely lost and even guilty for having taken an hour yesterday to go swimming (and to fight with the officious, bureaucratic cretins that seem to lurk at every corner in this country. Will someone remind me why they wanted the Germans to leave? They’re doing a pretty good job emulating them.) Maybe Hugo’s right and I am emotionally volatile.

My camera was stolen in Fonty over the weekend, so that was a big confidence boost. Even given that the last few days have done a pretty good job shattering any illusions that I’d have a chance to use it. My most relaxing experience so far (after being kept up half the night by loud housemates (old building = rice paper flooring), worrying about the quiz today and a rooster — why did I not bring my shotgun? — and mom calling past midnight to wish me happy birthday. Nice gesture though) was standing in the gate to Le Vivier this morning, looking at the fog over the countryside and forest, it was a peaceful and beautiful scene.

Posted 12 September 2007 † john § Uncategorized ‡ Comments (0) °

Picking up Steam

The tough part about being an officer is that the troops don’t know what they want, but they know for certain what they don’t want.

The trials and tribulations of the past week largely forgotten (aside from a fairly major bit of concern about Karin and her move to Paris; it rips me up inside that I can’t help her, either with logistics or with finding her way around work) we move into another week. A weekend trip to Normandy with Wai Lau did a world of good; as corny as it sounds, I’ve learned to appreciate good friends with whom I can have an easy time outside of class. The trip itself ranged from stellar (the Bayeux tapestry) to somber (Omaha beach and the American cemetery) but relaxed me to no end.

Despite some cheesing (literally, never underestimate the power of copious amounts of raclette and booze to cheer people up and put things in perspective) around with our house dinner, both Le Vivier co-resident Alexandre and I managed to put on a pretty respectable dinner for 16. The expenditures for that bite, though.

It’s amazing how liberal people here are about sex. Even though I haven’t really encountered the kind of getting-it-on one would imagine from a bunch of brilliant, stressed around-30 people stuck in a pressure cooker of professional and academic worries mixed with a mad social scene, I’ve never before been around a group that’s so frankly open about getting laid. I’ve also never had so many attractive women flirt with me before finding out that I’m not in the market; mentioning that I’ve been with Karin for 11 years into conversations has become something of a stock move. After a while, it seems to get around who’s interested and who isn’t. I don’t really mind being the “safe” friend, it’s amusing-yet-fascinating to watch and hear about escapades/frustrations/fantasies with a bit of detached distance. Nonetheless, it’s nice when people understand you’re mature enough to open up to without risking an indiscretion, and vice versa. What happens in fight club stays in fight club.

Classes are picking up pace. Ironically, subjects (statistics) that recently left me slack-jawed, drooling cluelessly and demoralized have turned manageable, while others (economics) that once seemed like safe havens are exhibiting some vagaries and confusing aspects that occasionally leave me reeling with the sheer volume of crap they’re throwing at us. Add to that the fact that final exams for the period are around the corner (if I hear another person talking about the damn tests I’m going to throttle them) and you have the makings of a real fun few weeks coming up.

Posted 25 September 2007 † john § Uncategorized ‡ Comments (0) °

Elections

The side with the simplest uniforms wins.

The intensity has picked up, and many of us are falling into a grind of stress and discouragement, while others seem to be cruising along happily. Spent the weekend in Paris with Karin, at her unheated, cold water-less apartment, thanks to Gaz de France and their moron service techs. Her call last night, telling me they’d failed to turn on the gas yet again, when I was in the middle of an overtired, flu-riddled, stressed group project that nobody had thought of until the last minute and my shitty reaction to it didn’t help much.

Seems like our whole section is miserably ill, coughing and hacking and sniffling. I have a bit of a problem with the strong emphasis on YOU MUST NOT MISS CLASS and the lack of alternatives for someone who really should spend the day at home, nursing a cold. Note to self, talk to dean Fatas about more consistent publishing of study materials. It doesn’t really help anyone, having 70 miserably ill people constantly infecting each other..

We’ve put a group together to run for student council; improvised and last-minute though our effort has been, like most things here, we at least managed to knock together a pretty credible effort. Even considering that the (small) group of interested students that attended the presentations last night seemed to consist mainly of the other team’s shills.

INSEAD Impact!

INSEAD Impact!

Juggling that with the entrepreneurship club will be fun.

What put a damper on the fun was that our “no bullshit” logo seems to have been a bit unfortunately timed, what with Merrill Lynch visiting on Friday; best get cracking on removing all of our flyers before then. Even worse, Sandra from career services, whom I respect tremendously, took me aside and gave me a right flaying for what they perceive as an open attack on everything Career Services has done. There’s a lot of room for improvement, but ripping them to shreds wasn’t our intent, nor was it seen as such by our colleagues. Time for some damage control.

Fall has set in, time marches on, and I can’t count the number of classmates who have given up on even trying to cover all of their homework. If there is such a thing as settling into a rhythm of stress and overwork, we’re doing it. Even the party scene has died down a bit as of late, with the P4 students taking most of the social scene initiative. Onwards, light brigade.

Posted 03 October 2007 † john § Uncategorized ‡ Comments (0) °

Lambs to the Slaughter

No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill.

We lost, but we went down with grace; no lecture hall stormings, no vandalism, no stupidity. Damn popularity contest anyway. Maybe this means I’ll actually have some shot at a life now; it isn’t really a disappointment as the whole student council campaign organizing effort was pretty fun. Thankfully, everyone involved was a good sport about it, and thereâ’s room for all of my team to participate regardless. With finals approaching soon, there may not be time for that. I’m just thankful it got me off the hook talking to the (mortally) offended head of career services for a perceived slight to their program. Note to self: “x could be better” = “x sucks” for way too many people.

Spent the last week or two trying to get the entrepreneurship club moving, to little avail; both Anya and I were amazed at the mixture of opposition, inefficiency and demotivation we’ve run into so far from various members. Our attempts to take the initiative were thrown back at us as a “power grab”, and we were advised in not so many words to shut up and study for finals by one of the p4 students. Note to self: screw consensus; you want anything done, just do it without talking to others. Not exactly the lesson I was hoping for from INSEAD.

It’s the run-up to finals; a (very) beery fajita dinner + after-party at Le Vivier provided a nice contrast to my growing nervousness about the first set of exams in two weeks. No worries though; I’ve gotten a head start on studying, and if that fails, well, fuckit.

Sandra Schwarzer from career services gave me a fun book called “Snapshots from Hell” that sort of put things into perspective when I was feeling down (she’s awesome); I’ve only started reading it, but so far it looks highly promising. Every aspect of it sounded familiar; evilly enough, I’m taking solace from colleagues of mine who’re sinking into the same near-depression I’m just snapping out of. It’s like college in fast-forward; the parties, the new people, the confusion, the stress.

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?

Posted 10 October 2007 † john § Uncategorized ‡ Comments (0) °

Losing It

A sucking chest wound is nature’s way of telling you to slow down.

Finals are approaching with the slow determination of a freight train, and I’m well in the process of losing my mind. It’s not that I’m not on top of the material; I don’t even know where to find the pile. I spent all of last weekend staring at my laptop screen, trying to finish an essay that should have taken me no more than 5 hours to knock off; the end product, describing the development of my group, sounds like a bad parody of a Franz Kafka play.

There’s nobody I can talk to about this; all of my classmates have a “cheer up already, it’s not so bad” approach, Karin’s in similarly bad straits with her job, and I can predict the sorts of reactions I’d get from counselors or family. I’ve never had as much trouble in my life; one of my father’s friends who ultimately killed himself after years of suffering from clinical depression said something I can relate to:  “it’s like a black cloud has moved in front of the sun.” That frightens me.

Every moment I panic more contributes to an already-vicious cycle of self-doubt on this emotional rollercoaster; I feel like an angst-filled teenager bellyaching about nothing. If I fail my classes, I don’t know what comes next.

Posted 15 October 2007 † john § Uncategorized ‡ Comments (0) °

Marching On

The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.

Exams are done, hoorah. Long done, and it’s taken me this much time to get back to a reasonable mental state. What a fucking nightmare; at least two of them (finance, statistics) saw me completely and utterly dumbfounded by every single question, and I am convinced of having failed them. “Failed” as in beyond the usual, expected INSEAD “I bet I failed that exam.” Let’s see what Dean Fatas has to say. In any case, I must have been a right zombie after the damn things; two double scotches at the bar had a good go at putting that in order.

Mom visited last week, but I couldn’t spend a lot of time with her, due to a combination of classes and a horribly planned overall schedule. It makes me sick how much of my life I’m sacrificing, even given that I knew I’d have to prioritize. I could have saved myself the time and cost of the Montmellian ball; in addition to being a tired wreck, the combination of having to stay sober (driving to Switzerland at 5 that morning) and a bunch of random people acting strange contributed to a generally not-so-awesome vibe. At least the Pink Martini concert in Paris on Friday night was brilliant.

We’re saddled with 6 classes this period, compared to the 5 we had to deal with before. They’re fascinating, even though I’m a bit concerned about impending doom in my advanced corporate finance class. A bit ironic, learning about options pricing when career services sends out an email saying “Given the current situation in the financial markets, we would like evaluate how many of you have already received an offer from a bank (including offers coming out of summer internships) in order to take appropriate measures with the banks. “ Oops. I had the crackpot idea of looking into luxury goods as a career options, even though Karin has stated clearly that she doesn’t think I’d have a clue about it. Hey, I like nice things.

This period it’s finance, managerial accounting (with the most arrogant-yet-competent professor I’ve seen so far), operations management, leading organizations, marketing and strategy. All good, all intense, and all to be brought under our belts in 6 weeks before Christmas break. After that, I anticipate all hell breaking loose as I move on to Singapore. The apartment hunt-at-a-distance is a bit disconcerting, as I’ve lost two places in the much-vaunted Dover & Heritage complexes already (bunch of miserable usurers, screw them) but I’m sure something will turn up.

It’s grown freezing, my kind of weather, and it’s somehow viciously fun to watch the poor Australians and South Asians shivering over cigarettes. For some reason (maybe finally having gotten some sleep has something to do with it) I have energy again and have decided to live vicariously, to not take classes _that_ seriously beyond doing what’s possible (the impossible takes a bit longer) and to engage in some more career/fun-type activities. Let’s see…

Posted 07 November 2007 † john § Uncategorized ‡ Comments (0) °